Due to an unexpectedly high volume of concerns during the rollout of portions of the Affordable Care Act, we are seeking additional public feedback before continuing with implementing the ACA. Despite our best efforts, it seems that we may have been unaware of some sensitivities and concerns that certain businesses and charities would have towards embracing this positive change for all Americans.

That being the case, it has become obvious that we need to learn more about current social norms, mores and values before proceeding. With the goal of helping to make this transition easier for all involved, it would be a great public service if you would take a moment to answer the survey questions below.

1) Before dispensing any form of charity and/or assistance to "the needy," Catholic nuns should be allowed to:

 

A) Inquire if the recipient is a birth control "user"

B) Go through the recipient's purse looking for evidence of birth control use

C) Perform a full-body cavity search for evidence of birth control use

D) All of the above, as deemed necessary

 

 

2) Should someone requesting charity and/or assistance from a Catholic organization be found to be using birth control, that person should be:

 

A) Shamed

B) Denied assistance

C) Made to do ___ Hail Marys

D) All of the above, as deemed necessary

 

 

3) If a vegetarian business owner receives a job application from a non-vegetarian, the business owner should:

 

A) Treat their application the same as any other

B) Tear up their application while saying, "Yeah, right!"

C) Tell the applicant that you don't "hire murderers"

D) Picket the applicant's home

4) If a life-long Red Sox fan who owns a hotel is confronted with a guest who wishes to check in, and who is wearing a NY Yankees t-shirt, the hotel owner should:

A) Inform the guest that, due to a clerical error, you're "all booked up"
B) Proceed with the check in, but charge the guest double rates
C) Proceed with the check in after sending the maid up to disable the TV and hot water - then charge the guest double rates
D)  Point to the exit with a baseball bat while shouting, "You're out!"


5) If a Satan-worshiping waiter finds a Catholic nun seated at one of his tables, the waiter should:

A) Try to switch tables with another member of the wait staff
B) Take her order, then shout, "Hail, Lucifer!"
C) Greet her by saying "Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Linda Blair?"
D) No matter what she orders, give her a bill for $6.66


6) If a Catholic nun is confronted by a waiter who shouts "Hail, Lucifer!" at her, she should:

A) Pray for his eternal soul
B) Smile, and stiff him on the tip
C) Ask him if he's a birth control "user"
D) All of the above, as deemed necessary

 

Thank you for your time and input! Please send your completed survey to:

ACA Rollout Survey

c/o White House Dead Letter Office

     Washington DC