A TEENY, TINY SOLUTION TO A BIG, FAT PROBLEM

 

 

Good morning, 2014! And welcome to the first celebrity "feud" of the year! Yes, it seems that actor Jay Mohr recently made some rather insulting comments about Alyssa Milano's weight - comments he now says were meant to be jokes.

 

This follows fairly hot on the heels of Jennifer Lawrence - currently ranked as the most bankable star in movies, by the way - telling Elle magazine how she is seen in the movie industry: "In Hollywood, I'm obese. I'm considered a fat actress."

 



 

Now, never mind the absurdity of Jay Mohr, who looks like a potato with a receding hairline, commenting on anyone else's looks. And never mind the utter cluelessness of Hollywood executives who look at Jennifer Lawrence and see "fat" rather than their current number one box office draw. No, no, my friends. These men - and they are pretty much always men, aren't they? - feel perfectly within their rights to comment frequently and publicly on the looks of women.

 

This seemingly uncontrollable impulse doubtless springs from the deep (yet surprisingly shallow) well of Male Entitlement. As a man who actually loves and respects women, and as someone who knows the male of the species from the inside out, I would like to offer one possible solution to this problem. This one, as the saying goes, is for the ladies.

 

When these unfortunate events occur, I suggest giving as good as you get. Hit the guys where it hurts. For the most part, men aren't used to having their looks commented on. For the most part. That just means you have to hit the part that hurts the most.

 

Even a lower-tier celebrity undoubtedly has thousands of fans. So ladies, get those fans, and your friends and family, too, to make blog postings - like this one! - that include phrases like, "Jay Mohr tiny penis." Send out a tweet or two urging said fans to also Google phrases like, "Jay Mohr tiny penis," or "Jay Mohr impotent." Posting photos with those tags couldn't hurt. With thousands of people posting pictures tagged "Jay Mohr's tiny penis," and thousands of people doing online searches for "Jay Mohr tiny penis," I'm sure you can get those search results up where they belong in no time! If the men want to talk about how big women supposedly are, then why not respond by showing just how small those men really are?

 

Men may not care about a lot of things - like the feelings of women, for instance. They may not care if they're fat, or bald, or smelly, or fat and bald and smelly. They may not care if they're a drunk, or a generally lousy person. But trust me: Hit them a couple of times below the belt (if you know what I mean), and I think most men will feel the pain.

 

No pain, no gain, the saying goes. So if you're like me, and would like men to gain a little more sensitivity and insight, then don't be afraid to bring the pain.