Though this piece is a little out of date now, I am adding the uncensored version here for posterity. (The version that ran in the local newspaper a few weeks ago didn't include the gay bathhouse segment, among other things.) I hope that you'll enjoy this extended version of The Further Admissions of Rob Ford. And I trust that we have not heard the last from our...colorful and corpulent Canadian friend.

THE FURTHER ADMISSIONS OF ROB FORD

First of all, I would like to address the accusations that have been made that I have somehow lied about my drug use in the past. This is not the case. I have always answered all questions put to me fully and truthfully at all times. So, when in the past I was asked if I had ever smoked crack, I answered "No." Had I been asked if I had ever smoked prescription crack, I would have answered yes, yes I have. Though I do personally believe that this is a matter of private concern between my doctor and myself, the events of the last few days have compelled me to speak to this issue in this public manner.

Furthermore, though, again, I am not under any obligation, legal or otherwise, to disclose any private medical issues I may, or may not, be facing, let me just say that whatever crack I may, or may not, have smoked, was part of a planned, doctor-authorized medical program. As some of you may know, I often drink prodigious, mind-numbing amounts of alcohol. Alcohol is, of course, a well-known depressant. That being the case, the crack use, or not, was part of a targeted program to balance out my use of depressants, alcohol and otherwise, with stimulants. This well-balanced medical approach is similar to the balanced approach I have tried to bring to the City's budgeting process. I am proud of the perspective I have brought to that process, by the way.

On a related note, I'd like to take this opportunity to address some budget-related, well, what I would call gossip items that have been alluded to in the press. Yes, it is true that, at times, I may have tried to sell a variety of City-owned vehicles without the consent, authorization or knowledge of either the City Council or the City administration. Our chief of police is a good man, and, if he says that there are multiple security camera videos that show me engaged in such activities, I can think of no reason for him to lie about that. However, let me make it clear that I have no personal recollection of any such incidents, or not, due to the medical condition and/or treatment I mentioned a moment ago. With that being the case, I, of course, can offer no comments on the allegations made that I, on several occasions, assaulted various car dealers when they, rightfully so, refused to buy said City vehicles - if in fact they had been offered for sale. In any case, if my actions, real or otherwise, offended, frightened or injured anyone at any time, I am truly sorry for that.

I should say that, on a related note, I am disappointed that our local press has seen fit to run stories about me that, in my opinion are what I would call fact-deficient and slanderous, if not potentially mostly untrue. Just because someone, or several someones, claim to have seen me driving wildly, erratically, and at high and clearly illegal rates of speed through downtown, does not make it true. As a politician, even in the best of times, you make enemies, and if some of my enemies think it is in their interest to spread stories of me driving recklessly while shouting threats and obscenities at other drivers, well, I think that says more about them than it does about me. Especially given the lack, at this time, of any sort of videos or evidence to support their claims. Should such video, videos or evidence come to light, I am sure we will revisit this issue.

And, speaking of visits, I guess this is as good a time as any to address the photos that have surfaced that appear to show me, or someone who, admittedly, looks a great deal like me, visiting a gay bathhouse. Let me just say that I am proud to represent all of the citizens of our city - gay or straight, regardless of color or creed or medical condition. I am not a bigot. And, if, in fact, I was seen visiting a gay bathhouse, I am sure it was during the course of campaigning for office, or perhaps making a speech of some sort. I have a very busy schedule, as you can imagine, and I think it is unrealistic to expect me to remember each and every public, or not, appearance that I have made. Or haven't, as the case may, or may not, be.

Related to that, I would like to say that the use of poppers and/or meth, either smoked and/or snorted, is not uncommon at said bathhouses, and should any photos - and they should not - but, if any photos should appear that seem to show me using one or more of those substances in said bathhouse, I would like for you all to put it in the context of being culturally sensitive. Again, I am not a bigot. I do not judge others, especially while driving. Let me also just say that I do have some body image issues, and, should any nude, semi-nude and/or pornographic pictures of me come to light, I would urge the press to use restraint and tact when coming up with headlines, photo captions and/or hurtful nicknames for me.

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to thank those who have stood by me through these trying months, those who have kept the faith in me. I know it hasn't always been easy. I'd like to thank my loving wife, who is on an extended trip abroad. And I'd like to thank the members of our local confederated tribes, who hosted a recent fundraiser for me. And I would like to assure my tribal brothers, and sisters, that, all evidence to the contrary, I have no personal recollection of stealing and/or attempting to sell a number of your sacred artifacts.

Thank you,

 

Mayor Rob Ford