HONORABLE UPDATE OF FOLLOW-UP TO PREVIOUS IMPORTANT STATEMENT OF NEW LAW BY HEROIC YET HUMBLE PRIME MINISTER OF RUSSIA, DMITRY MEDVEDEV, AFTER HIS FURTHER CONSULTATION WITH WELL INFORMED PRESIDENT AND COMRADE TO THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE, VLADIMIR PUTIN, HONEST RUSSIAN HERO

I am here today to make correction to statement I make yesterday, concerning the adoption of wonderful, wonderful Russian orphans by people of province of Kansas. First: I am now informed that Kansas is not province, it is state. Second: Two-for-one orphan offer to people of Kansas is now cancelled and rescinded forever. I am told Kansas is part of United States, also known as homosexual Vatican, so, obviously, no genius-level Russian orphans for you, United States - and now especially to dishonorable people of Kansas.

 

This turns of events shows just how clever homosexual movement is. United States is home to many, many places of homosexual weddingness. So some, like despicable villains of Kansas, pretend to oppose homosexual agenda for to trick world and acquire desirable objects like preternaturally talented Russian orphans. This desperate measures only shows how much on guard fine and upstanding Russian orphan brokers must be in ongoing battle with leather-wearing homosexual misfits. Our many, many beautiful Russian orphans are too valuable joy to world to let fall into wrong hands.

 

So, to repeat: No certified Russian prodigy orphans for Kansas. No adorable Russian orphans for United States. Orphans, be glad Mother Russia is watching out for you, yes? I am apologize for any misstatements I make yesterday. Any and all mistakes I make were mine alone, and in no way connected to the brilliant and inspiring leadership of our great comrade, President Vladimir Putin. Furthermore, if my mistake has brought any of shame and disgrace to honorable President Putin, I offer most sincere and humble apology.



STRICTLY INDEPENDENT AND BRAVE  DMITRY MEDVEDEV, PRIME MINISTER OF GREAT STATE OF RUSSIA, SPEAKS ON HALTING HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA THROUGH COURTESY OF CLOSE FRIEND AND GREAT LEADER VLADIMIR PUTIN, A REAL RUSSIAN HERO



I have been asked to speak to explain to world great new Russian law to prevent noble Russian orphans from falling into hands of depraved homosexuals.

First, we have no hatred for pitiful homosexuals. We just have enormous Russia-sized love for amazing Russian orphans. If anyone finds something wrong with that, they must be deranged homosexual.

Second, though we have no hatred for incorrigible homosexuals, clearly they bear some watching, yes? So now we have smart and modern Russian law for to deal with issue. No problem.

No more will we allow honored Russian orphans to find warm home in countries of open or latent homosexuals. If this is only choice for fine, upstanding Russian orphans, is better they live in Russian state hovels. Clearly hovel is better than homosexual, yes?

New law provides many, many protections for outstanding Russian orphans, to keep them from hands of predatory, home-providing homosexuals. No doubt many orphans will thank great state of Russia for this when they become totally non-homosexual adults. Under protection of grand new Russian law, there will be many ways provided to detect and terminate adoption attempts by decadent foreign homosexuals.

First, well-trained and clever Russian adoption detectives will screen all foreign applicants up to and including in great detail. Clever psychological questionnaire will reveal many homosexuals. "Do you like show tunes?" "Do you own Elton John CD?" Ha ha! Homosexuals will answer yes to questions, and then it will be goodbye, homosexuals! Maybe you can adopt Kazak orphan, yes?

Women homosexuals will also be uncovered and eliminated from adopting precious Russian orphans. Old joke asks, what does lesbian bring on second date? Answer is moving van. So now, before woman can adopt incredible Russian orphan, we will check with all moving van businesses for last ten, maybe fifteen, years. We have ways to do this, believe me. If moving van show up on record, goodbye female homosexuals! Nice try! But no remarkable Russian orphan for you today! Why don't you have child of your own, anyway? Are you barren? Oh no, you are homosexual lesbian. No man wants you. So naturally you want high quality Russian orphan for - 

*** *** BREAKING NEWS *** *** BREAKING NEWS *** *** BREAKING NEWS *** ***

(CNN) Denying services to same-sex couples may soon become legal in Kansas. House Bill 2453 explicitly protects religious individuals, groups and businesses that refuse services to same-sex couples...

After quick conference with comrade and real Russian hero, President Vladimir Putin, I am happy to announce special two-for-one orphan offer to citizens in great province of Kansas. Clearly people of Kansas must be wise and informed comrades to make such laws! And such peoples as these are most deserving of receive handsome and talented Russian orphans. Two-for-one special now. We have plenty orphans, people of Kansas, so no waiting! And, of course, no homosexuals.